


The Nature of a Monster

by AnnamariaSarli



Series: Behind the camera [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, F/M, non-described rape, not fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 06:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13992393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnamariaSarli/pseuds/AnnamariaSarli
Summary: This is what I think it happened to Danny and Kirsh before she brought him to Laura and Carmilla.





	The Nature of a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Here's what I imagine it happened behind Laura's camera, I hope you enjoy it :) I don't know if it's perfectly written, English is not my first language.

When you see Laura and Carmilla so desperate about each other, something clicks in your head. A rage you had last felt only when Mother told you about how they didn’t even cried your death and Laura had sacrificed all you had ever fought for, what you had died for, all for Carmilla. All for a vampire. And now, now you’re a vampire too, you should be her type, shouldn’t you? But no, she continues with her heart-shaped eyes for Fangs-for-brain. You hate her. But you cannot help feeling what you feel when Perry/Dean tries snapping her neck: not pleasure, nor happiness, just fear. Pure and simple. And yes, happiness too, when Laura disappears and the Dean can’t kill her. And that’s what is driving you nuts. Once the library drives you all back to Silas, you’re breaking some school property to let off your… anger? Frustration? Envy? You don’t even know, you’re just breaking things.

“Yo, D-Bear, you know, we could do something together, a race, 1VS1 basketball…” – Kirsh smiles, at the memory of you two challenging in whatever sport you could handle.

“I told you not to call me that, KIRSH!” – you scream at him, breaking the sink of the bathroom.

But he’s not afraid. Just… hurt. You’ve practically used him as a punchball and a juice box, and he’s not afraid. Stupid puppy fratboy.

“Sorry. Db… Danny.”

You suddenly realize you’re hungry, and he’s like an happy meal on his feet. Your lips are on his neck in no time, sharp fangs pressed against bare skin, while his pulse races and he swallows. You feel his warmth against your now cool body. His heart beating in his chest against your own, now dead. You push him to the wall and then leave his neck, after licking the small “rivers” of blood flowing through his right shoulder. But he continues staring you with no fear. Just surprise and a sense of sickness. And, lower his belt, excitement. He likes you, and you know it, but this Stockholm syndrome is really getting on your nerves. But he makes you feel wanted. Desired. And you kiss him. You kiss him until his tongue can taste his own blood. You kiss him until you lay on the floor. You kiss him while you discard his clothes and you… rape him? Sort of, even if you don’t use violence and he’s not saying anything to stop you. But when you finish, he turns the other side and cuddles exactly like a puppy. You can hear a sigh and some tears falling from his eyes.

“Kirsh, I’m…” – you’re what? You’re sorry for raping the only guy who could now stand you? You’re sorry you used him to let off all your rage and anger? You’re sorry you behaved like… like a monster? Because it’s not a justification that you’re a vampire. Carmilla’s also a vampire, but she never used anyone like juice box (at least not more than that one time with Laura), not in hundred years. Even Mother had never raped anybody. But you had. From self-righteous Summer-Society leader to Evil bloodsucking fiend. What a miserable end you had had.

“Dbear. Please, please never do this again. Never.” – and he tiredly gets up, wearing his clothes.

You run away from Kirsh, from the awareness that you’re not just a monster: you’re BEING a monster. And then tears flow down your cheeks. Vampires don’t cry, someone said. No. Vampires do cry, oh yes, they do. Monsters don’t.

You quickly wear some clothes and take Kirsh with you. To the library. Where he won’t stay with monster. Where he will live what could be his last days on Earth with friends.

 

“Oh, are you playing too rough with your toys?” – says Carmilla when you ask them to take care of him.

“He isn’t” _…_ \- but you stop, looking at him. He has been. You have used him. But he continues staring at you like you’re the _coolest bro in the whole world_ … You look at them again – “I don’t want to kill him, alright?” – you sigh – “There was a person I was supposed to be. And when this happened… it was like the Dean drew back a veil and suddenly I could see it was all a joke… The people I bled and died to save forgot about me the second I died. And all I wanted was to burn down every stupid, self-sacrificing thing I’d ever done for them.” – then you look at him – “Except there was Kirsch… Still believing in me. Even when I hated him, and hurt him…” – you almost choke on your words not to cry, thinking about what you did earlier – “He doesn't deserve any of this. And if he stays with me I might lose control again and kill him.”

Laura comes near you – “I didn’t forget, you know. No matter what mistakes you made, I’m always going to think of you as a hero.”

You almost smile. How cruel irony could be? NOW she considers you a hero, she certainly has a thing with villains – “As far as heroes go, I’m starting to think I was never as far up the roster as I thought I was.”

She tries, hopefully - “You could still help.”

“No. If the Dean gets her hooks into me again... Besides, I've got my own things to take care of. This isn't my place right now. Good luck, Laura.” – you’re honest about it.

“D-bear- Wait, are you leaving?”

“Yeah, Kirsch.”

“Yeah, just gimme a sec, I’m feeling kinda woozy.” - he tries following you, as always, as if nothing had happened, but you let him seat on the armchair. You know it’s for the best. You’ll just run away from this Hell… maybe the literal one Mother wants to unleash on Earth will never arrive – “No, Kirsch. You’re going to stay here, okay? With Laura. So you can help her with her plan because you know the Pit so well.”

“Like back when I was her Dudescort?”

He’s just so… so adorably stupid - “Yeah. Just like that.”

“You're coming back? No running off to be all Furiosa without Max, right?” – he smiles, all the smile his hurting allows…

“Kirsch. You got one right.” – you get up and then speak to Laura – “Thank you.” – you turn away, before a tear can slip from your eyes.

“Hey Xena.” – you turn again to Carmilla’s voice – “Just...try not to get any deader, okay?

“You too, Fangface.” – you sincerely tell her the same and you know you can get better.


End file.
